nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
