Yo dont text me then not text me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
