Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
