I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize