did you get engaged???
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
