I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
