I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
