I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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