Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
