I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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