Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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