so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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