on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
