You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
