break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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