There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have aggressive nipples.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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