I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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