We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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