Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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