Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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