I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
