remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
