i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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