Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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