I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sorry about my life...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
