i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize