its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
