im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
