If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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