actually, I'm a sock model
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Someone signed my nipple.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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