im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm too high and old for this...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
