no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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