Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
