Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
