She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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