Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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