What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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