Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There's always time for handjobs
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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