I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she woke up with a sticky ear
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize