I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
