Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
