How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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