I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
