I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
