My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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