I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
