I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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