how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
