So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
