We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
