even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
