Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
