omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
