We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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