I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
