where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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