He kissed a someone with a penis
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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