she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
