Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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