It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
