Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize