just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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