found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
