so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
