I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
