she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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