Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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