Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
