I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
