ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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