New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
